I don’t know how I was when I was a child. I don’t know how I behaved, how good I was or how bad I was, how cute I was or how clumsy I was. How much people liked me, or how much they hated me. I don’t remember certain incidents where I have felt joyous or felt bad. I can take this as the first stage of life where I was ignorant of my own self. This stage occurs in everyone’s life. The transformations that occur in this stage because of the influence of the world and environment around you make a big difference on your future. Though I don’t remember exactly what happened around me I am very sure whatever happened was simply the best and nothing better could have happened for me.
Then was the second stage when I started behaving in such a way that I did not care for others, dint mind hurting people (mainly my family and friends) dint think twice in whatever I did. I just wanted myself to be happy no matter what happens to the world around me, I did not realize I had somebody who loved me, somebody who hated me, somebody who would do anything to keep me happy, or someone who just thought about me. I sometimes thought may this be last day of life. This is a very crucial stage where if I was NOT handled in the right way, I definitely would have gone the Wrong way :) and I guess my parents and sister have done everything right for me. They never objected to whatever foolish things I said or the things that I asked them to do for me. My Teachers and friends made me realize what was good for me and what was not.
But there was a time in life when I got my senses, when I could understand what people thought about me, how I behaved, what I meant for them, and what they meant for me in my life. It’s a fantastic thing. When you are clear about your thoughts, life has a lot more interesting things in store for u. I feel I am lucky enuf to have gone thru this phase in my life, and in my opinion I m going through the stage even now. I realized god has sent us down here, with a purpose. The purpose may be anything. No one knows it exactly, than God himself.
Surprisingly, I actually had started thinking!!! The thoughts were so random that even I wondered what was going around. But then it only helped me develop myself from an ordinary person to something very special. Sorry if I m exaggerating, But I think I m simply the best. Now, don’t get me wrong here, I am not that arrogant to think only I am the best. But yes I m one among the best. Ahhh!!! There it goes - another random thought… :) :) :) sorry about that!!!
To go on to say a little more about the things I thought.
1) My Parents: I used to think may this be my last day. Now I realize that I have responsibility. They have struggled their whole life to bring me up; my parents have taken care of me extremely well. Wherever I am today, it’s only because of them. They scolded me; they corrected me when I was wrong. There might have been times when I was not in sync with what they thought, but at end of the day what they thought was what was best for me. No person can give back what their parents have done for them and it’s the same case with me too. I just pray to god to give me strength and courage to help me keep them happy, now and forever.
2) My Sister: My sister is 9 yrs elder to me and we share very little bondage what actually some siblings have between them. It was mainly because of the age difference. When she was thinking what was good for me and was taking care of me, I was almost beating her up and scolding her as I was just not in my own senses. Now that I have realized the fact, she is already married and leading her life. Though I don’t have any regrets on this, I just sometimes think it would have been better if she stayed with me for another 2 years before her marriage.
3) My Teachers: They have influenced me as much as my parents. The reason I say that is because I have spent most of the time in school and college than in my house. So whenever I was going wrong or not doing what was correct “socially” these teachers were the ones who corrected me, guided me and shown me the right path which has lead me to reach where I am today. The teachers I had when I was in nursery to the lecturers in my engineering, each one has given me the right advice and put into my brains the best of information which was essential for my future.
4) My Relatives: There are a few people among my relatives who have influenced me in my life. I respect them immensely and would just thank god who has given me such wonderful people. These are people who have taught me what a “Family” means. I just can’t explain in words what they mean to me. I am very tempted to pen down the names, but I am just afraid if I loose even one name, it might create some kind of bitterness between us. That’s how families are… You just can’t help it!!!
5) My Friends: Now this category is the best part of anyone’s life. And mine I think is something very special. I have had everything found in different people. There are friends who like me for who I am, some like me for the way I am, some hate me for what I am, some friends who are jealous of me etc. And similarly I have also had some people who I respect a lot for the way they are, some I have a lot of concern, some friends whom I envy a lot. Only category I don’t have is the hate part. If I sit back and think for a moment I cant recall anyone whom I hated, there might have been situations where I have fought with some, but that was momentarily and forgotten in a short time. I am very grateful to some who have actually taught me what is life, what is the value of life, how we can be more than what we actually are…and the list goes on… Thanks to all those who have been a part of my life. Hope they continue till my last breath.
I don’t know my future. But the way things have come along till now, I am very sure and hopeful that things can only get better from here. Hope my future “Family” adds more value and meaning to my life. :) :) :)
I just pray to god to give what is best for me to make my life better.
P.S: The above things are just thoughts which have crossed my mind from last few years of my life which I could recall in last few days. There are many such things and events that will be coming along in my future blogs.